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Friday, 13 February 2009

Women Pays £50 to Call Off Contract on Husband

A Turkish Cypriot Woman from Tottenham North London was depressed and fed-up with her Husband, she decided to have an affair. While chatting to a fellow Mum at her child's school, the other women suggested that she have her husband murdered. The disgruntled Wife though it was a good idea and arranged to pay the other woman and her friend £800 to carryout the deadly deed.

The following day, the Wife was feeling a bit guilty and decided to tell her husband about her affair and the contract she took took out on him. I get the impression that he was a little miffed about it and asked his Wife to cancel the contract, which she duly did. The really funny part is that her friend demanded a cancellation fee of £50.

The woman was given an a 10 month sentence suspended for 2 years, but her friend and the hired murderer got off Scott free. They claimed that they never intended to carryout the murder and were "Just testing her resolve". Fleecing a very stupid women more like!!!!

If there is anyone reading this who is in a similar situation, may I suggest divorce as any less risky alternative.

Original Article from BBC News - Life lessons for death plot wife

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Monday, 2 February 2009

Proof That It Does Snow in Sussex


Yesterday it started snowing here and it has continued since then. This morning the Schools are closed, the roads are blocked and the Railway is at a stand still. No chance of getting to work today. Therefore I have used my time productively and completed something I have wanted to do for the passed 12 years.

I’ve finally built my Son a Snowman 8-)

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Monday, 19 January 2009

Are We To Become a Communist State?

Over the last few months the British Government have spent insane amounts of money trying to bail out the banking system here. Only today the "Westminster Muppet Show" have decided to cover the losses of the Royal Bank of Scotland to the tune of £20bn. I have no idea how many zeros that is.

This means that the "WMS" now owns about 70% of the RBoS. This includes mortgages, loans, credit card debit, the lot. As we all know, this situation is repeated at many more of our banks. Therefore, this means that the Government now owns much of the countries assets.

Communism anyone?

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Sunday, 4 January 2009

Saxophone - Brass or Woodwind?

My Son today asked me to describe Jazz Music. Not being an expert or fan of Jazz, I described it as music predominantly comprising of piano and brass instruments.

This got me thinking about whether a Saxophone was a brass or woodwind instrument. My logic told me that despite being made of brass, it uses a reed to produce the sound. Therefore it must be woodwind. My wife disagreed (as wives often do) saying that it's a brass instrument.

The solution was to ask that fountain of all knowledge - Wikipedia. This is what it said,

The saxophone (commonly referred to simply as sax) is a conical-bored transposing musical instrument considered a member of the woodwind family. Saxophones are usually made of brass and are played with a single-reed mouthpiece similar to the clarinet. The saxophone was invented by Adolphe Sax in 1841, and patented in 1846 in two groups of seven instruments each. Each series consisted of instruments of various sizes in alternating transposition. The series pitched in B and E, designed for military bands, has proved extremely popular and most saxophones encountered today are from this series. A few saxophones remain from the less popular orchestral series pitched in C and F.
This just goes to prove just how good my logic is. Either that or my mind is full of useless information. I know which my Wife thinks!

Wikipedia Link - Saxophone

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Welcome to 2009

Where did 2008 go? A quick "WHOOSH" and it was gone before I knew it!

It was an rather turbulent year for me. I start the New Year with renewed confidence in my heart and I'm determined not to let life get the better of me anymore.

All I have to do now is get my finger out and embrace the coming year with renew vigour.

Time will tell if I manage it 8-)

However, something never change and my spelling remain as awful as ever. Thank goodness for spell checkers!

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Monday, 27 October 2008

Man's arm trapped in train toilet

According to the BBC News Website, a Frenchman managed to get his hand stuck fast in the toilet bowl of a TGV train yesterday.

Apparently this unfortunate traveller dropped his mobile phone into the train on board loo. When he put his hand in to retrieve it, his arm was sucked all the way in.

A train toilet is not somewhere I'd fancy fishing about in. I was on a First Great Western service from Chippenham to London Paddington last week and I know just how foul train toilets can be. You couldn't pay me enough to stick my digits down one of those!!!!

Full Story - Man's arm trapped in train toilet


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Friday, 17 October 2008

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Getting Laid Before Christmas?

As some of you my know (assuming anyone actually reads the rubbish I write) I commute to work each day on my bike. It’s a fun experience, scything through all that jammed up rush hour and school run traffic. I’ve always enjoyed the way that I rarely get stuck, laughing at the frustrated drivers as I wiz passed them in their nearly stationary boxes. It’s true that in times of bad weather and the cold, dark winter it can be a little less fun. But it always makes me feel like an intrepid explorer trekking into the urban wilderness. That and I always carry a spare pair of socks in case the weather decides to climb inside my boots, as it often does.

When I arrive at the office in Croydon, I park my bike next to all the others under a very handy canopy near the entrance. There she keeps dry for the most part, which (hopefully) means she will last longer than if she were fully exposed to the elements.

Since Monday of last week however, we have been asked not to park there due to the car park being resurfaced. For this purpose, three car parking bays were allocated. This worked fine for the first three days, but on the Thursday morning two of the bays had cars in them when I arrived. One of the regular bikers had parked in another bay so I decided to join him there. It was about this time that the car park resurfacing contractors were starting the process of planeing the surface of the tarmac off by where we usually park our bikes. The building manager was in the car park, so I asked him where I should park my bike. He said that using the parking bays was only a temporary measure for the first three days and that I should now park under the canopy as before. The problem was that while I was chatting with him, the contractors had fenced of the canopy area, which would have made access difficult what out the use of some very advanced shunt riding. The building manager looked more than a little confused & stressed about the whole car park situation, so I decided to leave my bike in the bay.

The workman appeared to make very good progress with their surface removal during Thursday. At their disposal they had a very impressive array of machinery. A large planer, which ground the surface off and deposited it into a large tipper truck and two more trucks waiting in the wings. They also had a JCB style digger, a “One Man” surface grinder and a large road sweeper lorry. There was an awful lot of activity, some of which the Heath & Safety Executive would have had a fit about!

Friday was a completely different day. After Thursdays hive of activity and impressive amounts of industrial plant & machinery, Friday was a total contrast. They were reduced to the “One Man” surface grinder, two shovels and a wheel barrow. I kid you not, it was like watching a “Laurel & Hardy” silent movie. It was taking them absolutely ages to get anything done and by 2:30pm they’d packed up and gone home for the weekend. If they were to continue at that pace for the remainder of the car park, they’ll be at it until next March.

Monday was a better day. Tarmac was delivered by very large lorry and spread quite thickly and evenly over about half of the area that they had prepared. On Tuesday morning when I arrived, I was surprised to see them attaching the freshly laid tarmac with a pneumatic drill. I can only assume that they were creating a straight line from which to start afresh today. Either that or Fridays “Laurel & Hardy” team have returned for our entertainment!

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Saturday, 13 September 2008

Being Handy Can Be A Curse

I live in a row of 5 terrace houses. Most of my neighbours fall firmly within the category of Senior Citizens. I like to keep an eye out for them. There is one old lady in particular who has no family living locally and I keep a particular eye on her. I’ve often helped her out with little jobs around the house and we keep a key for her, just in case she needs us in an emergency. Here I shall call her “Aunty D”.

Over the years I’ve fixed her plumbing, change light bulbs and the like. Earlier this year her freezer broke down, so we offered her space in ours until she got it sorted out. I don’t mind helping her out as I realise that it would cost her a fortune to call trades people out to fix items I could do in a jiffy.

There are also two quite elderly Gents who are quite good friends. They have both lost their wives within the last 2 years. The first, our direct neighbour, is 92 years old and still just about gets about on his own. He generally keeps himself to himself and is quite up beat and comical. But if he catches you, you’ll be stuck chatting for hours. I’ll call him “Uncle R”. The other old duffer, in his mid 80’s appears quite frail, but still drives. He has been known to be quite a miserable old bugger and we rarely chat. Him I’ll call “Miserygutts” for artistic purposes.

This afternoon we had a particularly heavy down pour. When I say particularly heavy, think flash floods. I know this because I got caught in it on my bike. It was like riding down a river while someone threw stones at me. This rain was accompanied by a very short lived thunder storm. One flash/bang and it was all over. However, that one lightening bolt obviously hit something of importance as the power momentarily blipped. It scared the willies out of Junior who was using my PC at the time. Fortunately there was no permanent damage and it quickly rebooted itself.

About 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door. It’s was Uncle R. Apparently Miserygutts had phoned him to say he had no power and could I pop round to take a look. The lightening strike had obviously tripped out his main RCD and it was simply a case of resetting it for him. He flicked a light switch in his hall and announced that it wasn’t working, but from where I was standing I could see that the landing light was on. I told him this, but he couldn’t hear me. So I quickly located the hall switch, which surprised him. What worried me was that he was unable to find a light switch in his own house. This from a man who holds a driving licence and regularly drives.

Note To Self:- Stay off the road when Misergutts gets his car out of the garage!!!!

Problem sorted, off home I went. When I got there Auntie D was ringing our doorbell. The lightening bolt has upset her phone, so I popped round to reset it for her. It’s not the first time her phone has done that either. I think it’s probably on it’s last legs.

This time I managed to get as far as my kitchen before the now familiar “tap, tap, tap” of Uncle R on the front door could be heard once more. Miserygutts had no power again. So off to the rescue yet again was I. Again, the RCD had tripped which made me think that there could be another fault to find. RCDs are design to trip when there is a fault between either Live or Neutral and Earth is detected. They are very sensitive for a good reason and only require a very small fault current to trip out. This is typically in the realms of mA’s. It is usually the sign of a direct short or a heating element in which the insulation is just beginning to break down. He had put his kettle on since I was last there so I made a beeline for his kitchen. When switch on, the kettle was making a rather worrying fizzing sound. I quickly turned it of and discovered that he had managed to get the socket where the main cable plugs in, very wet. I dried it off and normal safe service was resumed.

Thankfully that was at about 5:45pm this evening and so far I haven’t heard a peep out of any of them.

To be honest I don’t mind helping out where I can. After all these people are on their own and don’t get to speak to many people during the day. My time costs nothing and mostly I’m glad to help out. One day I’ll be old too.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be too helpful, but at least I’ll go to heaven when my time comes. Lol.


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Friday, 12 September 2008

Biker Got High

The Biker forum that I belong to recently gained a new member. He calls himself Sven and introduced himself by posting this truly excellent video that he made.



He is a biker and video-blogger. He combines the two activities very well. His blog is very interesting and keep me amused for hours (which isn't hard) lol.

It called A whole world of Sven and is well worth a visit!!!!

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