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Tuesday, 27 February 2007


I, like most people these days, receive a large amount on joke through my various E-mail accounts. Some is good, some is terrible, but all is welcome and help the day pass better.

Today I received the following from a colleague and I thought I’d share it with you.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know
the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient
funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe
you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does
Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea
was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal"
people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside
today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the
others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones
or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay
to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on
the ground?

Did you ever stop and

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do
toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light
in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their
wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where
the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave
the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs !

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they
dream ??

If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil
is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from ?

electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have
the same tune? Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail
address in the first place?

Good or bad? I’ll let you decide that for yourself.


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Saturday, 24 February 2007

Cumbrian Train Crash

At 8:15 pm last night a London to Glasgow Vigin Pendolino train became de-railed at Grayrigg in the Lake District. It was travelling at 95 mph when the accident happened and all but one of the carriages left the track.

One 80 year old woman was killed and 5 other passengers were seriously injured. The driver, Ian Black from Scotland was among those seriously injured.

As a Signalling Systems engineer, I am always saddened by any railway related disaster and my prayers go out to those who’s lives had been directly effected by yesterdays events. I also thank all the emergency services and local residents who have been doing an excellent job to rescue and help all the passengers from the train.

I am astonished how well the Pendolino has stood up to this crash. Except for a few bits of aerodynamic and decorative plastic, the structural integrity of the train appears to be sound. None of the windows have broken and there seems to be little bodywork distortion. This obviously excellently designed train has undoubtedly saved countless fatalities and serious injuries. For that we can be truly thankful.

Only time will tell the exact cause of this accident, but it could have been so much worse.

Foot Note – These are only may personal comments and NOT those of my employer, Westinghouse Rail Systems Limited.


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Friday, 23 February 2007


One of the many photo blogs I follow is www.neverhappen.com , which show cases the photographs of an Australian who's name I've completely forgotten.

The photo above, 'Reflected - 28 Jan 2007', really caught my eye. Quite stunning don't you think?

Saturday, 17 February 2007

And Then There Was One

Chunky and Chunkette have not been getting on too well since Christmas.Chesty-Lynn (Mrs. Trance-Elbow) and I have always thought that they had a strange kind of relationship. It seemed to be entirely based on arguments and who’s turn it was to buy the shopping. Chunkette once spoke to Chesty about how jealous she was of our close relationship.

It all came to a head just over two weeks ago, when Chunkette announced she was leaving. She was going to stay with her Mum and partner in Eastbourne. Apparently it was all arranged and Chunky knew all about it. This of course was not the case and he didn’t realise she was leaving until he had returned from work. She hadn’t even thought to ask her Mum if it would be OK for her to stay, which it wasn’t.

Suddenly her great escape plans were falling down around her ears. There she was on a very cold, frosty night, car absolutely stuffed with possessions and nowhere to stay. She said that she would just have to sleep in her car. I pointed out that this would be extremely fool hardy bearing in mind the sub-zero temperature outside and insisted she stayed at least until the morning. Fortunately she saw sense and stay another night. When I returned from work the following morning she had gone.

She was supposed to see Chunky last Sunday, but decided instead to come run to pickup the last of her belongings on Saturday while Chunky was out.

Chunky himself seems to be coping well with the separation, although we can’t tell how he really feels about it. For the time being he has decided to stay here with us, which is fine by me. I’ve enjoyed having him here as he adds chaos and entertainment to our otherwise mundane lives.


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Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I have never read this famous book, but I can assure you that it has nothing to do with Blake’s Seven (A rather good 1980’s Sci-Fi Series).

Having spent two weekends trying to diagnose the fault with my bike, I had to concede defeat and call in the experts. She was picked up by my local bike shop, P&H Motorcycles, the following Thursday and they had the problem sorted in no time flat. All it was just a blocked fuel pipe to two of the carbs and was fixed with a quick blast of compressed air.

I was terrified that I’d have to re-mortgage the cat to pay for the collection and replace, but the whole thing only set me back £10.50. Geoff, the mechanic is now my best friend and I can highly recommend his skills.

Since I’ve had my bike back I’ve noticed a few things. She is now considerably quicker than before and I’m getting 30 miles less to a tank of fuel. That pipe has obviously been partially blocked for quite some time.

And a useful piece of advice regarding the cheap Non-Honda mirror I bought to replace the broken one. It’s terrible. The edges of the glass have serious distortion issues and it won’t stay in the correct position at speeds above Warp Factor 7. Now I understand way the Honda part is so expensive, more than double the price of the one I bought. I think the solution will be to get a second hand original from eBay.

Since our return to the road, the bike and I have now passed the 30,000 mile point. What a machine 8-)

Related Links

P&H Motorcycles

Blake’s Seven fan Club

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Thursday, 8 February 2007

In Memory Of Stephen Parascandolo

On Wednesday 7th February Stephen Parascandolo’s life was tragically cut short. He was involved in a road traffic accident on his way the catch a flight from Luton to Glasgow.

Although I didn’t know him well, I had met him a few times through work and I’m quite familiar with his work on The Unofficial Croydon Tramlink Website. He was a talented young engineer who had just been promoted to greater things.

My thoughts go out to his family and friends.

Related Web-Links

Croydon Tramlink

Stephen Parascandolo’s Home Page


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