E-Humour

I, like most people these days, receive a large amount on joke through my various E-mail accounts. Some is good, some is terrible, but all is welcome and help the day pass better.

Today I received the following from a colleague and I thought I’d share it with you.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two
hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know
the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient
funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe
you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does
Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at
him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea
was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of
darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal"
people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside
today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it
be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the
others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones
or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under
water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay
to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on
the ground?




Did you ever stop and
wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do
toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light
in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their
wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where
the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave
the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway
?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs !

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they
dream ??




If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil
is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from ?

If
electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons
?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have
the same tune? Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . .
.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail
address in the first place?

Good or bad? I’ll let you decide that for yourself.

Regards



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